In the past 4 or so years I've read many pregnancy and parenting blogs, articles, and forums. Many of them, especially the forums, have contributors who think that whatever they did for their child is universally applicable. Occasionally I see 'This is what we did, and it worked for us, hope it helps' and I like those people - but alas they are the minority. Why can't we all just get along?
For example, we bought Zeke a new carseat last weekend. He was in desperate need of an upgrade, and this new seat is perfect for him. I was crawling the web looking for tips on taking carseats on airplanes, and found a mom who had similar age kids in a similar carseat. One of the responses to her question was 'I would never put my 3 year old in that carseat. My kids ride this other carseat.' Okay, well, good for you, thanks for sharing; but aren't we both trying to accomplish the same goal here (i.e., trying to keep our kids safe)?
And all that stuff you get as an expecting parent (okay, an expecting mom, expecting dads get left out when it comes to free stuff). Once you wade through the health advice and the advertising, you're left with parenting magazines that tell you you should nurse your baby because that's what 'good moms' do, along with pictures of smart, happy babies latched on. And there might be a few other articles (valuable or otherwise) in between. This time I flipped through the free stuff collection in the car and recycled it as soon as I got home. (It's aimed at first-time moms anyway, what's up with that?) Then I went and found the magazines I got when I was pregnant with Zeke and tossed them too. Not sure why I kept them for 3 years and 2 moves... My 3+ years of Zeke-parenting experience will be my first reference for caring for a new baby anyway.
The lesson I keep learning and keep reminding myself that I have already learned is that I should do what's best for us and our kids. It doesn't matter what someone else thinks or does.
And that 'good mom' I am constantly comparing myself to? In my moments of greatest clarity, I don't think she really exists.
Friday, February 19, 2010
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3 comments:
Manndi - I totally agree. Most of the advice out there is biased. I think a lot of it is from baby vendors who want to have you buy their products. Congrats by the way on the babe on the way! I love unsolicited parenting advice (I am saying this sarcastically). I like it especially if your baby is crying and people tell you they are hungry or something. Really? My child could be hungry? That never crossed my mind. I think I know when my kid is hungry. I thought you only had to feed them once a day... Dumb people.
Congrats on the baby! Having two can be a challenge, but it is definitely rewarding.
That's the best part about being married and having your own family!! You get to do it your way, and your right, the best way to learn about how to take care of a baby is to jump in and do it, or if it's not a firstborn, use your past experiences. I love being the expert on my own kids (even though I am still learning as they teach me a lot everyday). No one knows your kids better than you do. It's nice to get some advise from people you know are really trying to help, but unsolicited advise is definitely annoying!! Congrats!!
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